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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Study Break

Tomorrow is the Monsters Final. I'm cramming facts (and photos) of smallpox into my head, trying to remember how many days it take for limbs to develop in a fetus (42 days after conception, usually when nausea starts, and Thalidomide would be used - hence limbless Thalidomide babies), mentally reenacting penis fencing, and reviewing my freak show terminology.

It's unpleasant, but not because I want to be doing something else (and it's St. Patty's Day! I know!). Mostly I'm trying to control my gag reflex as I reread passages of smallpox victims sloughing their colons and other intestines while hemorrhaging.

So! Now that we're all feeling squicky, here's our Monsters sing-along!

Cut It Off!

By Thor Hansen

(sing to the tune: If You’re Happy and You Know It)


If your nose has been a-twitching,
Cut it off.

If your ears are not bewitching,
Cut em off.

If your face is plain dismaying,
And your penis ain’t worth playing,
Then there’s no sense in delaying,
Cut it off.

*********

If your butt has started sagging,
Cut it off.

If your breasts have been a-wagging,
Cut em off.

If your limbs are a distraction,
Then the answer is subtraction,
You are fuller as a fraction,
Cut it off.

**********

It is no fun to be too tall,
Cut it off.

It is much nicer when you’re small,
Cut it off.

You only need your core so,
You could be a living torso.
Remember less is more so,
CUT IT OFF!